A Pretty Honest What's in my bag

Just a note with thoughts of mine:

We love to curate our lives to the max. It has always been the case since we realized that monetizing ourselves was the true way of making a living. Somehow it's rare to find a person using social media who wouldn't wish to be an influencer of some sort. Lately this kinds of thoughts come and go in my already noisy brain. I struggle with keeping my calm, I should be living this life worry free. 

Funny enough, my family, my partner and even my best friends keep a good distance from social media. They live their lives everyday, no extra worries. However, why do I crave the connection that engament on Instagram provides? Why do I have so much hunger for being noticed? 

I know a lot of times people comment om this being symptoms of low self-esteem... Then, aren't we collectively seeking for approval? All of this doesn't have a definite answer, just things that I question lately. I enjoy the connection I get when on Twitch, I love long conversations about life and my friends and followers provide that for me. However, when it comes to what attracts the most starts by a curated image. An important question. Who am I? Because to be honest, I'm a fucking messy person, probably too clumsy and naturally lame. I'm too lame to also be relatable. 

I like to rant and vent, right? LOL my closests ones know I'm actually pretty cool and fun. I know I'm cool (lol), just not to everyone's eyes I guess?

This is me trying to stay organized, but tbh this is like 10% of my reality. I was going to lie, but this was after I cleaned and decided to add it to my Saturday blog. 

Can you see it? My brain: you need to keep everything... what if you need it? OMG THERE IT WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEBAG!

I clean often, but my truth is chaos. Life is meant to be messy, or so I've come to understand.

A small portion of my desk. Why do I have so many things to distract me from the real tasks? LOL.

I like to disect and analyze everything, lol. I just wonder how can I transform and adapt to a more princess-like lifestyle? I'm a real woman, with real problems and struggles. 

This is not a critique to anyone but myself? I'm coming clean to myself. Can I be kawaii and a fucking mess at the same time?( ´ ▿ ` ) We'll find out, I won't stop trying. Just need 10+ years than everyone else. 

Anyways~

Xoxo-

Kiwiitan